woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just high enough for therapy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pooping to opera.
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