I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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