I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
high people should be assigned attendants
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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