I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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