I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize