Who did Billy Mays play for?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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