all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
