So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
