I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
