Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
