Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
