I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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