WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Houston, we have a squirter
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
