He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
