My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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