he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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