there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
