I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
