so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
