The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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