It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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