I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
