im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
