Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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