we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
