ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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