yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
