I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
