My hand turned me down
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
