I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
