bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
