and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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