so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
