Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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