I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
