I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
