YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
