I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
