why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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