Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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