if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
