Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
