Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
