I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
