I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
