in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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