I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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