At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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