1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need a beard to bite.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize