Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
