Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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