i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
