So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
