i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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