life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
