so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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