She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
vagina is talking i cant
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
