He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
