dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
