True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
