its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
