why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
