I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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