Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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