I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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