drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
