Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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