Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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