The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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