it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
