On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
